A successful engaging leader will possess the following attributes:
Competent self-awareness
Personal and organizational empathy
Desire for growth and change
Willing vulnerability
Focus on strengths and outcomes
In this article I will focus on the first attribute of competent self-awareness.
As I interview leaders from several different organizations, I like to ask them whether they think leadership can be learned, or if there are some people who are just natural leaders and others who will never be leaders. Almost without exception they tell me that leadership can be learned if the aspiring leader possesses sufficient self-awareness and the desire to learn and improve. This idea of self-awareness comes up, not only when talking about first learning to lead, but also in the continued practice of effective leadership. Simply put, to be an effective engaging leader, you must be competently self-aware. So what exactly is competent self-awareness.
The dictionary defines self-awareness as conscious knowledge of one’s own character, feelings, motivation and desires. Adrian Furnham, writing in Psychology Today defines self-awareness as the accurate appraisal and understanding of your abilities and preferences and their implications for your behavior and their impact on others. I like Furnham’s definition for two reasons. First because of the phrase, “accurate appraisal and understanding. It implies a process has been undertaken to thoroughly examine preferences and abilities. And second, because it describes the awareness of our impact on others. As an engaging leader, not only is it important to be clear on what you think, feel and believe; it’s best if you also understand the impact of your words and behavior on those you are responsible for leading.
So how do we accurately appraise and understand our abilities and preferences, their implications on our behavior and their impact on others? Here are five methods for helping you achieve competent self-awareness.
Meditation
Mindful meditation is one of the simplest and best ways to cultivate self-awareness. In mindful meditation the idea is to take time to specifically practice awareness. I like to meditate for about 20 minutes in the morning and experts agree that even 5 or 10 minutes of meditation can be beneficial. One of the simplest forms of meditation is sitting quietly and intentionally center your attention on the present moment by focusing on your breathing. As you become aware of thoughts and feelings that arise, observe them non-judgmentally and then let them go by returning your attention to the in and out rhythm of your breath. This practice is simple, but it is not necessarily easy. You begin to realize that your mind can be like a classroom of unruly school children — I often think of the old Cheech and Chong “Sr. Mary Elephant” routine. The key is to be patient and kind to yourself, realizing that, while it is incredibly simple, it is much harder than it seems it should be. And don’t expect a flash of insight. Patience and persistence pays off.
Personality Tests
One of the quickest ways to enhance self-awareness is to take a personality test. There are many to choose from and each one has it’s particular nuance. You may have heard of the Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). This granddaddy of personality tests is based on the work of psychology pioneer Carl Jung. It is certainly thorough, and likewise a bit complex. It describes sixteen personality types based on combinations of four sets of contrasting pairs: Introvert/Extrovert, Sensing/iNtuition, Thinking/Feeling and Judging/Perceiving. The resulting alphabet soup of ISFP, ESTJ or INFP can be somewhat confusing.
One of the best books I’ve found to help make sense of the Meyers Briggs personality types is Keirsey and Bates’ Please Understand Me. In the book Keirsey and Bates combine the sixteen personality types into four basic temperaments named after figures from Greek mythology: Apollonian, Promethean, Epimethean and Dionysian. Be warned that, while it’s more accessible than a psychology textbook, it’s still a challenging read.
There are simpler, even more accessible “versions” of the MBTI that have proliferated in the market. One that I am familiar with is True Colors. Based on Keirsey and Bates’ work, True Colors breaks down personality into four “temperaments” and assigns each a color: gold, blue, orange and green. The True Colors model, developed by Don Lowry, adds an element of creative whimsy to the personality typing process and simplifies the assessment process.
…while we each have our default or baseline temperament, we are all capable of learning, understanding and operating in the other temperaments.
There are other models of personality assessment as well. A good friend of mine uses the Enneagram as a key tool in her leadership consultancy. One model that I especially like is Gallup’s Clifton StrengthsFinder. I like it because it encourages you to focus on what you do best, your strengths, rather than on your deficiencies. The StrengthsFinder assessment helps you identify your top five — out of 34 — attributes and suggests how you might leverage these in your work and personal life.
A key concept of all of the “temperament” models is that, while we each have our default or baseline temperament, we are all capable of learning, understanding and operating in the other temperaments. Any of these tools will help to enhance your self-awareness.
Journaling or Blogging
There is something about the process of writing that forces us to more thoroughly examine our thoughts, beliefs and feelings. Psychologists and life coaches have long known that journaling is a powerful tool for emotional and psychological well being. Recent research even suggests that journaling can have a positive impact on our physical health as well. The key difference between journaling and blogging is that, typically blogging is done with the knowledge and intent that others will see it, while journaling may be kept private. Blogging, by it’s nature is done on a computer, whereas journaling can be done with a pen and notebook.
I will admit that, despite my best intentions, I have not been successful in establishing a regular journaling practice. My journaling tends to come in fits and starts. However, I do find it extremely helpful when I am faced with a particularly stubborn challenge or issue. The act of getting the thoughts out of my head and down on paper — or into the computer — where I can see them, always adds clarity to my thinking. And the opportunity to step back and explore my thoughts, emotions and behavior from the page or screen seems to give me a little more room to explore solutions.
There has been some criticism of journaling, especially if it leads to living too much in your head or focusing solely on problems instead of searching for outcomes or solutions. Here are some ideas to help keep your journaling efforts helpful and useful, especially if you are writing about a problem or issue that you need to deal with.
Describe the facts of the situation in non-judgmental, objective language.
Write a few sentences about how the situation impacts your deeply held values.
Consider questions such as: what can you learn from the matter? How could you grow? What is the worst-case scenario and how might react if it came about? What might others involved in the situation be feeling and are you being as humane or compassionate as you want to be?
Describe your desired outcome and what you can/will do to improve the situation. If you can’t improve the situation, what can you do to improve your experience of it?
Coaching
If we are really serious about improving our self-awareness and our engaging leadership skills, we can enlist the aid of a professional coach. A competent coach will know how to create a safe environment for exploring and enhancing self-awareness. They will help you dissemble your defensiveness, push past roadblocks and charge up your creativity. Anyone can claim to be a coach so it is important that you have some criteria you can use when selecting a coach. In her Forbes article, 5 Things to Look For When Choosing An Executive Coach, Erika Andersen discusses a set of criteria that can be used for any type of coaching, leadership, wellness, presentation or life. A good coach will:
be able to walk you through their process, including helping you define core challenges, understanding your starting point and clarifying where you want to go
have multiple options for gathering feedback
be able to articulate the specific skills they bring to the table
be able to provide clear agreements about confidentiality and
be able to point to actual success stories that have resulted from their coaching.
Trusted Friends and Feedback Loops
Sometimes, simply talking to trusted friends is the best way to gain self-awareness, especially if we are looking for feedback on how we are coming across to other people. It’s important to create sufficient safety for your friend to be honest and candid. You might say something like, “I’m asking you this as a friend. I need you to be completely straight with me on this.” You might also ask a friend to call you out on a specific behavior you are trying to change. For example, I am trying to eliminate dis-empowering words and phrases (have to, need to, should, can’t, but, etc.) from my vocabulary. I’ve asked some trusted friends to catch me when I slip up.
You can also avail yourself of any formal feedback systems that your organization may have in place. Look at these as opportunities for growth and improvement. Do your part to ensure that the feedback is helpful and constructive. Look for any surprising strengths or hidden blind spots.
As you can see, there is effort involved in becoming competently self-aware. In the end that effort will pay off in personal and professional dividends that far exceed the effort invested. Keep in mind that it’s a marathon, not a sprint. Heck, it’s not really a race. There is no finish line. There is always more to explore, discover and create.
Leave a comment below and let me know how you practice self-awareness, or, if you try one of the methods above, tell us how it is working for you.
Next time we’ll talk about personal and organizational empathy. Until then, keep engaging!
Resources:
Chodron, Pema; 2013; Meditation: How to Meditate: A Practical Guide to Making Friends With Your Mind; Sounds True
Keirsey S. & Bates, M.; 1984; Please Understand Me: Character and Temperament Types (5th Edition); Gnosology Books
Miscisin, Mary; 2004; Showing our True Colors; True Colors, Inc Publishing
Rath, T. & Conchie, B.: 2008; Strengths Based Leadership; Gallup Press
The Enneagram Institute; https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/
Stosny, Stephen; 2013; The Good and Bad of Journaling; https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/anger-in-the-age-entitlement/201309/the-good-and-the-bad-journaling
Andersen, Erika; 2013; 5 Things To Look For When Choosing An Executive Coach; https://www.forbes.com/sites/erikaandersen/2013/08/15/5-things-to-look-for-when-choosing-an-executive-coach/#47ca3a774a3a